Your soul can’t quite reach your mind so your body cries feeling tugged by the two.
Some People say they can pinpoint the exact moment they started to slip away. Going back to that self-destructive pit they swore they would never go back into. When it’s happening you feel your spine tying itself in knots and your happiness beating at you to snap out of it. It’s like your soul is watching your mind slip down into the self destruct. And your soul can’t quite reach your mind, so your body cries, feeling tugged by the two.
The dangerous part of being self-destructive is that after a while it feels like home. You almost forget that the empty sad feeling isn’t your primary state of being, because you made it your normal. This is when it gets hard to remember that you can unify your mind, body, and soul to be at peace just as quickly as you made feeling empty your normal.
Sometimes you want to bitch slap yourself and tell yourself to get over it, but trust me that slap is the quickest way to even more damage yourself and spiral deeper into that hole. You can’t just get over it because it’s not healthy to. You’ll start a bigger war inside yourself if you just get over it and act normal.
If you just put a band-aid over your wounds, you’ll have scars to look at after, if you don’t take the time to put ointment on it and oils for scaring you will create more damage in the long run. I’m not saying it’s healthy to stay in that self-destructive state but to heal yourself so you don’t feel the need to go back there.
When your self destructive sometimes your own intelligence scares you, you know exactly what to do or what to say to make a relationship situation or event go in the direction of self-destruction. If you haven’t noticed a theme in my thoughts it’s that I have taught myself to see the other side of things. Let your intelligence motivated you to figure out how you can do or say something to make that relationship, situation, or event go in a fulfilling direction, a happy one, a healthy one.
Yes, you do deserve it, and you know what, the people around you deserve it. You need to heal, grow, and love yourself because you are all you have and the people that are trying to help you see you for who you are and who you know you can be.